The days turn into weeks and weeks into years and now I find my self celebrating my 3rd year of marriage. I remember the excitement of finally finding my eternal companion. I had ached for my partner for so long. With him by my side, I could really be better.
I watched women like Sister Brown. I took notes on how she left love notes on her kids mirrors and how she posted scriptures in random places we couldn’t avoid. I was one of the kids she dragged out of bed @ 5:00 in morning for family prayer. It was obvious that I could do it. I could be like her someday.
I have this image of a wife and a mother I have always planned on being. Someday when I’m 25, married in the temple, with 2 kids and a little home… I would be there. I will be following Sister Browns example and have that immense capability to love and direct my family.
I went home to Vegas and I sat at that familiar kitchen table, I listened to the sounds of my past. It made me reevaluate my success in my plan. It hit me hard like a smack in the face. I’m not there. I’m 25 in September, and I’m not there.
Have we been guilty of declaring, “I’ve been thinking about making some course corrections in my life. I plan to take the first step—tomorrow”? With such thinking, tomorrow is forever. Such tomorrows rarely come unless we do something about them today.
So I made a plan. A list of things I must do to get there. The hardest is to read my scriptures every night. I speak to God all the time in my thoughts but do I ever give him the opportunity to talk back to me?
How do I become what I want to become? Service… I need to give what I can. So I made a list of things that would be service to my family. Make dinner for my husband, keep the house clean, do the Laundry. All basics, being a wife 101. Listen to spiritual music, go to church for all three hours, do my calling, visit teach.
It’s hard. I’m going on week two. But I feel better. I don’t think I understand a thing more about the gospel. But I find hope. I’m doing all that I physically can to make my life the way I planed. I know God will help me figure it out.